No matter the socioeconomic status of my clients, there is one theme that is consistent: In a committed relationship? You love them, they love you, but you found out your partner has been cheating on you. And now you ask yourself, but why? I did everything in my power to make this relationship work. Most likely, you did.
Some of the tougher issues around cheating include the following:
The person grew up watching one of their parent's cheating, which reinforces a negative cycle
The person was not raised to respect their partner
The person would like to be in an open-relationship
Limited emotional maturity
These questions need to be reviewed, and if you are willing to work through these issues, go for it. Outside of the these top 5 reasons though, men and women cheat because:
Why do men cheat?
He does not feel respected. Men are territorial, have the need to serve and protect, and like to be honored for this. Once he does not feel like his efforts are not acknowledged, he will go astray.
Why do women cheat?
She does not feel cherished. Women walk out of the womb ready to be in a relationship. She will bend over backwards as much as she can for you, and wants to feel adored for her efforts astray?
So, Dr. Ally, what are you saying?
The common theme around why men and women cheat = they do not feel valued, heard, or recognized for their efforts.
What should I do?
First figure out if you even want to be in this relationship.
Couples who have had affairs can survive the emotional roller coaster. How? Start dating again.
While you are dating, find out how that person likes to be loved. What makes him feel respected? What makes her feel cherished?
Re-learn about each other's values, and then decide how you will respect your differences.
Above all, remember not to create an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. Make sure you love your damn self first, because #selfcareishealthcare